"Justin Hughes" (justinhughes54)
01/04/2016 at 13:10 • Filed to: predictions
2
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"Justin Hughes" (justinhughes54)
01/04/2016 at 13:10 • Filed to: predictions | 2
| 10 |
Apparently it’s a time honored tradition, or something, to make predictions about the coming year based on what happened during the previous year. Seeing as how I once owned a tarot deck, I guess I’m just as qualified as anyone else to make some predictions. So here are some headlines we may or may not see in 2016.
Read on Right Foot Down or continue below
1. Dihydrogen Monoxide Detected In Volkswagen Diesel Emissions
Photo credit: Wikipedia / Mario Roberto Duran Ortiz
The “Dieselgate” fiasco never ends. The California Air Resources Board discovers dihydrogen monoxide, a deadly corrosive substance, in the emissions of Volkswagen diesel vehicles. This substance has been found to be a major component of acid rain which corrodes and oxidizes numerous metals used in automotive production. It can also be deadly if inhaled, even in small quantities. Thanks to VW diesels emitting dihydrogen monoxide, it will fill our lakes, pollute our ecosystem, and will be found at all levels of the food chain, including humans.
2. Ford Introduces Turbo Boost On EcoBoost Models
Photo credit: Automotive Stand Point
Inspired by the short lived remake of
Knight Rider
, Ford offers a Turbo Boost feature on models equipped with EcoBoost motors. This feature allows such cars to take to the air and leap over obstacles, such as other cars, fences, small children, trains, etc. Turbo Boost will first be available on the Mustang, true to the show, but will eventually make its way across all models. I can’t wait to see a Flex jumping majestically through the air.
3. GM Admits Chevrolet And GMC Trucks Are The Same Damn Thing
Photo credit: GM Authority
In a revelation that stuns the automotive world, GM finally admits that GMC trucks are really nothing but rebadged, rebodied Chevy models after decades of fooling everyone into thinking they are completely different.
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4. “S” Stands For “Space”
Photo credit: EVANNEX
After a software update making all Tesla Model S cars fully autonomous, a further update allows integration with Elon Musk’s other venture, SpaceX, to enable automatic transportation to the International Space Station. Autonomous re-entry and landing will work after a few failed attempts.
5. NASCAR Goes Back To Basics
Photo credit: NASCAR
Realizing just how boring it is to drive around in circles, NASCAR returns to its roots in bootlegging. Partnering with RallyAmerica, NASCAR ditches the track and instead runs on rally stages, mostly gravel like in the good old days. In addition to competing against the clock, local law enforcement is invited to chase them, providing further motivation to set a fast time.
6. Takata Changes Product Line
After nearly going out of business due to the exploding airbag fiasco, Takata reinvents itself as a small munitions manufacturer. The resulting billions of dollars of military contracts pay off all the fines and lawsuits, as well as make the company more profitable than ever.
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Photo credit: Cinemablend
After disasterous ratings for the revamped
Top Gear
, the BBC fires Chris Evans and replaces him with the newly unemployed hosts of
Mythbusters
. The number of crashes and explosions go through the roof, as do the ratings.
8. Formula 1 Replaces COTA With Rainbow Road
Formula 1 cancels the remaining races scheduled to take place at Circuit of the Americas after the Texas legislature votes to withhold funding. These events are moved to Rainbow Road, despite drivers’ objections over safety considerations such as inadequate guardrails.
9. Scion FR-S/Subaru BRZ Receives No Power Upgrades
This is probably the only one of these predictions that will actually come true.
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RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:19 |
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In a revelation that stuns the automotive world, GM finally admits that GMC trucks are really nothing but rebadged, rebodied Chevy models after decades of fooling everyone into thinking they are completely different.
There’s a note on this that I feel like making, and that’s that for a brief moment in the distant past (ca. late ‘40s), GMC trucks had different versions of the engines, better interiors, some chassis/suspension differences, and a whole bunch of little things that added up to make a very different truck outside the mostly-the-same sheet metal. I think there was even stainless steel used somewhere in construction for dressiness.
Azrek
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:34 |
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Alfa Romeo outsells BMW M3
Maserati ditches Chrysler parts in their car
Audi fires designers and hires Porsche designers. Cars remain looking the same
Lexus realizes the odd four barrel exhausts in their cars are a hit and add a 5th
Lotus finishes Indy Car engine design only to see everyone switch to Chevy
New Toyota Supra doesn’t lower the price of older Supras
Future next gen S2000 owner
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:36 |
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A GMC Sierra is a Chevy Silverado in a nice suit. Some people like their suits to be a little nicer than the next guy. That is okay.
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:39 |
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I would watch this so much. I would gladly race that because I was so good at rainbow road.
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Justin Hughes
> Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
01/04/2016 at 13:50 |
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I hate Rainbow Road. But I’d watch this race.
DrJohannVegas
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:52 |
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Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 13:54 |
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Rainbow Road was my absolute favorite track.
William Byrd
> Azrek
01/04/2016 at 14:18 |
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These are pretty solid. haha
mr2gud2u
> Justin Hughes
01/04/2016 at 15:24 |
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Number 5 would make me care about NASCAR.
ateamfan42
> Justin Hughes
01/06/2016 at 11:06 |
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The EPA goes on to prove that dihydrogen monoxide is present in all auto maker’s emissions, but concentrates on punishing “those evil foreign cars”. GM appeals for more bailout money and is granted amensty from their violations, since supporting domestic brands is “good for the US economy”.
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To be true to the Knight Rider technology, the Turbo Boost option is only available on natrually aspriated models. The marketing department decides to label those as EcoBoost too. EcoBoost all the things!
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Never going to happen.
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Please, please, please! Can they return to actual stock cars too?
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With the additional profits, Takata is finally able to supply the auto makers with replacement airbags so those of us driving around recalled cars for the past 2+ years can finally get ours repaired.